3 Truths to Remember When You're Feeling Worthless

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When you saw that your words were no longer having an effect on me, you began calling me names a woman should never be called, told me no one would ever want to be with me, that I could never make anyone happy, I was the worst person you had ever met. Most things don't work out on the first try, and for things not to work out multiple times in succession can just be bad luck.

We subject ourselves to feelings of worthlessness because for whatever reason these feelings allow us to quickly make sense of what happened. Your brand-new beautiful smile won't matter much if you are stuck in the pits of depression. Crimpet, your story is amazing and inspiring Thank you for sharing it here.

To the boy who made me feel worthless

The other day we received an email from a woman who has been betrayed by her husband of 27 years. She just had a baby and still had a bit of baby weight to lose, but overall she was happy with her body and her looks. She was never insecure and her husband has always felt that she was an attractive and confident woman. Now she is very much the opposite. Her self-esteem is shot and she told me she I believe she used the words ugly, unattractive and useless, to be exact. Oh, and this has also made her feel very angry at her husband for making her feel this way. Why Betrayal Makes You Feel Worthless So why does betrayal make us feel so worthless. Well, betrayal is a drain on self-esteem and when your self-esteem is decimated, then you are going to feel worthless. An affair also rips out the proverbial rug from under your feet andespecially yourself, your sanity, and the decisions you make. You feel worthless because you reason that if the person you loved the most, trusted the most, and to whom you gave the most is capable of having an affair, then you must be worse than pet food. The fact that your spouse did not think you even were worthy of being loyal to makes you feel lower than low. In short, when your spouse has an affair, it hits your core and you feel as if you have been tossed into a raging sea without a lifeline. We are not worthless; our spouses did not have an affair because of that or because of anything else we did. We subject ourselves to feelings of worthlessness because for whatever reason these feelings allow us to quickly make sense of what happened. But, just as we allow ourselves to be flooded with the ideas of worthlessness, we are also in control of refusing to take on these feelings. But, we can control our self and we can control our reactions. Sometimes I looI at myself and think no wonder he cheated. Or I think about he told me, how good she was at cooking, and all the house hold chores, and I see myself unable to keep up with everything, with all the kids, and I think, no wonder he cheated. I actually see myself as useless now. Hope your H realizes that now. Carol, I just wanted to say thankyou, you are so sweet to say those lovely words. I hope my h truly knows what he does have with me as his wife. He says he does, but I guess as with anything time will tell. I think however, some words that have been said, whether meant or not, can be hard to erase. I said that and here I am living through it again. Tell me this ladies how do I deal with him telling me he loved her. He introduced her to his family and wanted to make a live with her. However he never let me go completely he lead me believe we where starting over only to make her Jelious enough to leave her husband. How do you feel like he actually loves you when he tells you he would never say she was a mistake. I told him to be careful what he said to me. I tell him he has to make me feel like I am special to him that he loves me. I think he feels that he shows me that by being with me. But in fact he was with me and the other woman at the same time. Now he says he will not talk to me about her anymore and he just wants to forget it. When you are betrayed in this manner, you lose all confidence and question everything you once believed about yourself and your appearance, your personality, your value as a woman and wife. And as they say, the cheater will do and say anything to justify their disgusting behaviour. That is just the beginning, it got much worse and more detailed and extensive. Whenever he was asked any questions or I was most unhappy, these are the things he would say to divert my attention away from him. I have made many mistakes in my life but I have also done many things I am proud of. I am a good and caring mother……I loved my husband with my whole heart. Of course there were……that is life. It is so hard to break the feelings. This story is so familiar to mine. Some days are better than others, but I still struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. We are currently you make me feel worthless, although we still spend time together with and without the kids. We still have 2 kids at home that we are raising. I wish that I could find someone that would help to increase my self-esteem and self-confidence although I know that it really is my responsibility, no one else. But small things that are said or done will always help someone feel better about themselves. I like to respond to these types of blogs and type my feelings up for it does help me to feel better. I would love to write a book for if everyone knew everything that I have went through they would be amazed and at the same time wondering why the hell are you still with him. Everyone has their opinions and some will judge — but we have to do what we feel is best for everyone involved at the time. I have zero confidence especially sexually. I have a really hard time standing up for myself and I never had a problem with that pre D-day. Somehow he found her you make me feel worthless Facebook and made contact and she was drawn to him. I cannot bear the looks and whispers to be honest so have not told many you make me feel worthless. How on earth do you get your self esteem back after this. While I was married I felt useless. My now ex husband always had terribly hurtful comments. My hair has a natural wave and he always made a comment that he liked it straight. When he told me that he is in love with his soul mate, I thought to myself that she must be perfect, just what I wasnt. After seeing her picture online she owns a laugerie store I was shocked. She was overweight, straight hair and her meme dress skin tight. It took me a long time to realize that I need to be me. I have more self esteem then I have ever have. He choose not to accept me and some day I will send him a thank you note for that decission as I am in such a better place. My good friend said that I looked dragged down and miserable when I was married to that narsasistic freak. So ladies work really hard, because it is work and hold your head high, because you all are beautiful. A few weeks ago, I ended an emotional affair. It started as an innocent conversation last spring and throughout the summer we would exchange glances and looks with some conversation. Finally, at the end of the summer, we decided we needed to talk about the elephant in the room which was the growing attraction between us. We did not have sex and only saw each other at work. Having someone check to see if you were having a good day. I work for a company that is predominately male, and I am single so of course I look. No one has sparked my interest. So I did not know why I was soo attracted to this guy. Could we be the exception to the rule or were we just a textbook affair. That is when I found this site which has been so educational. Finding this site, as well as others, was the slap in the face that I needed. That I did not want anyone to get hurt. If we continued on and he got caught, I did not want him to come to me by default. I know now after reading this blog for the past several weeks, he is not going to leave her for me but at the time, I guess I thought it could be a possibility. My behavior was selfish and I could not carry on like we had been. I apologized for my behavior and for manipulating him last summer. I explained how I got his attention. When we would run into each other, i would hold his gaze a second or two longer than I should have. Or the slight wave when no one else was looking. I told him that if he ever found himself single, and if he was still interested, he could contact me and if I am still available, we can make a go of a legitimate relationship. He asked if we could be friends and if he could say hello and I said no. That I was afraid we would be on a slippery slope and we could end up back in a conference room one day in each others arms. He did leave a cookie on my desk the Friday before Valentines days. I did run into him once in the hall and we talked for a minute. He just asked how I was doing. It is the promixety of our departments that would cause us to run into each other. There are things I do to minimize us running into each other however, it will never be 100%. We will, from time-to-time, see each other. This makes it hard since I still have feelings for him. I am super vigilant at work to not run into him and of course, that makes me think about him constantly. I am hoping with time and distance, I can start to see this realistically. If not, I will look for another job at some point. I just want to rush through this and get to the point where the emotions subside and I can just go about my work. There are sections for betrayed spouses, cheating spouses, and affair partners. This lady is very astute and will help you see what is going on. I just really liked what I read. It explains exactly what is going on. There is a section that discusses the myths involving these affairs. I would recommend this article to cheaters and betrayed spouses as well. Best wishes, and hope that helps you. Ok well first congrats on ending something that should have never started in the first place. All of us do, been there, got the tshirt. Thanks god it was short lived and at least one of you came to your senses before it got out you make me feel worthless hand. That said I doubt very much his wife would think the same. Straighten up before you lose it. I assume mr Cheaterpants is your superior. You should have given it right back, thrown it away, anything. It would be all over the office. Why on earth do you girls shit were you eat. You said yourself you put it out there for him to notice, now you have to undo it. Let me give you a little history here. After my h affair he wanted me to come back to work in our business. I had to hire some office help and I did. This poor women was broke, 3 kid, and getting divorced. I felt sorry for her, she was smart enough and I knew she needed the job. Well first thing I see is she starts being in my husbands face for no good reason. I blew it off for a while thinking I was being super sensitive after my recent drama but the more she was there the more she by passed me to get at him and other males in the office. Now she knew about my husbands affair and I think she thought she had a chance. Well the poor bitch bit the hand that fed her and one day I fired her on the spot. This is what becomes you make me feel worthless narrative once you cheat. Is that how you want to be seen by the other males in your office. Seriously if you can leave and find just as good a job you should. I have lots more to say to you if you want to hear it. I hope you change and figure out why you want unavailable partners before you set yourself up for a you make me feel worthless of misery. Hello Gizfield and TryingHard, Thank you for your responses. I did check out Go Ask Susie today at lunch and it looks like a great resource. I agree, I should have thrown the cookie at him. I just got home from a day of work and travel. Giz, I found the site interesting too. There is a comment on go ask subside website that I thought was well said. Here is what go ask suzie wrote Unfortunately, romantic addictions have a way of escalating. For some, all sense of self-preservation is lost… at the risk of real life and family survival. A feeling of wholeness and rightness emerges. Your positive values and qualities are strengthened not weakened. I like the stories she tells to explain how she wants her readers to view things in a different way. You feel a sense of gratitude not anxiety or guilt. I will have to check out the 21 day challenge myself, missed that. I thought the Go Ask Suzie site was very good. There are a few standouts, of course, like the guy jumping around in a sleeping bag, lol. She is hilarious and irreverent and pretty much keeps it real. Many people there are very inspiring. You make me feel worthless puts things in perspective…. Oh, I read Chump lady every day myself. The Unified Theory of Cake finally helped me know you make me feel worthless the hell was going on. Most of them really you make me feel worthless want both people, unfortunately. I agree, I saw that story about the cheater killing himself and her son. I can imagine my first husband doing that. He really was that f ked up, or evil, or whatever that kind of action requires. Let us know how the Challenge goes. I tried this morning by starting to pray for her healing of cancer. Egads it freaking stuck in my throat. Even I could hear God laughing at me. Kinda like starting out a workout routine by running a marathon. Susie explained that whole female ego stuff and well she was writing about me. I totally got it once I read her explanation. Quite frankly I have wayyyy bigger fish to fry than fantasizing about revenge on her anymore. She can fall off the earth and I could care less. All of that shit show was on him and my obsession with revenge on her is nothing but self indulgent flattery. I had nothing to do with his choice to Cheat. Nothing I did caused it and nothing I do will prevent it. All I can really do is laugh when I imagine him being stuck with the skank. My real problem is that I feel restless, and disoriented in my own life. Giz I can remember when my children where that age and of course your marriage is at a certain stage too. I have a feeling everyone who has made a decision to stay or leave has questioned their decision. I can change my mind if I want to and I would have plenty good reason. Maybe try looking at your restlessness that way. Sadly for me she was able to get the knife in as my husband was answering her Viber messages online she had recontacted him coincidently in Sept, just as I found the message. She told me they were in contact for a month. He was guilty for going behind my back but needed to find a way to extricate himself. This second shock really set me back because of the deception that existed alongside his reconciliation efforts. It seems that nothing means anything. But the shorthand stories we tell ourselves to get through just evaporate. I felt we would always be open, I was wrong. I did not know he was deceiving me second time round. It seems to me there is just an endless supply of misery where infidelity is concerned. The pain is indescribable and yet those of us who have been up close and personal with it know exactly what everyone else is talking about. You just learn to live with the pain, shame and embarrassment that your cheating asshat put on you. There for the whole world to see into perpetuity like Washington crossing the Delaware we will have a picture of a former president with his constant narrative being his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Are these men so desperate for people they can trust or think they can trust, that they would give national security information to their fuck buddies. And we ask what our minion husbands were thinking. Ha, ladies our husband used good sense compared to these guys. Clinton and Mrs Petraus, and the rest of all the publicly humiliated wives who did nothing to deserve it, to have the constant reminders and public humiliation. Google Clinton and Monica pops up. You, along with your affair partner, soul mate, lover whatever made yourself a cliche that is disrespected by all. It will change, you know it will, and can it possibly be worth it. Why are you going after a married one. Is you ego that damaged this is the only way you can prove your worth. I looked up the story of that painting of Mr. I read a month or two ago that Monica L had resurfaced and wrote a book or interview or something. Deep down, I imagine he knows. Anyone who can think of one, please enlighten me. All these people have made fools of themselves. The newscaster who lied about a helicopter experience. Years of experience and credibility, shot to hell. Everest, at the Kennedy assassination, with Tupac, in his car, lol. Yet, your cheating spouse thinks they are the Exception, lol. Trust me I asked enough, what were you thinking. But maybe he thinks he got away with it if no one else knows. I know my h has narcissistic traits. Their poor choices will haunt them long past their time on earth. Particularly the celebrities and politicians. Thing is they knew better too. Infidelity, cheating is nothing new. That worthless feeling still hangs around. I found out the other day that my h ow has expanded her family, she now has 5 instead of 3 children. Finding out about these extra two, not sure how old they are, it has certainly sent my healing backwards. I actually am starting to believe that maybe I am either suffering from panic attacks or I am actually losing my mind, maybe heading down the path of a nervous breakdown. My h says he knows nothing of any other children she has had except for her first 3. You know at times I wish her well, yet if there was karma in this world, why is she not suffering, why does she seem to be enjoying her life by welcoming in two more into her family. Why is it that she is not going through the pain she has put me through, what makes her so special that she does not endure this pain I am going through. Where is her you make me feel worthless, or does it not apply to her. I have been thinking, about just how much my h affair has taken from us, in every aspect of our lives, and if he has had children with her, it has taken so much more from me and my children, and it will take even more not just my physical and mentalemotional state, but it will be a lifetime of monetary payouts to her and her chuldren, so where is the karma in that, she just keeps on winning. I just hope and pray that she has sucked someone else big time into giving her these children and a life, and it had nothing to do with my h, that these children are not his. Would God actually have answered that prayer and given me at least that to be thankful for, her having had these children with someone else. And how on earth does this baby making machine support all these children. I am hoping he truly has had nothing to do with her, since two years ago. Yet I still wonder why she uses our surname on fb still to this day. I believe she would have stopped using it if someone else was in the picture. Oh and th, I remember my h telling me how she thought I was a crazy person because I made him have so many children, and that I broke him because of it. Then on the other hand would tell him how she wanted children with him. I would say, well remain with her and your 6 will turn into 10 or more, so then what would your excuse be for all of your stress. Because you have added her three, another woman and if you end up with her even more kids. So tell me then, who is the blame for you falling. Honestly if these are his kids, I am married to a fool. Which is why I wonder how would I ever be able to survive that. The feeling of worthlessness is the one area I still struggle with. My husband does not understand why I still feel so worthless. I felt like I was a good mom and a good wife who was doing everything I could for everyone else. He told me that one of the reasons he was drawn to her was because I took him for granted and I was not carrying my weight. I physically and emotionally cannot move forward. It just sucks to be stuck feeling worthless. Look his excuse for cheating is called you make me feel worthless shifting here in cheater town. He has to blame shift otherwise how could he look himself in the mirror. He cheated because he has a character flaw that he needs to self medicate, and yes cheating is just as bad if not worse than drug and alcohol abuse. Do not believe this reason for his cheating any more than you would believe if he told you the reason he cheated is because you were purple. Take that sign off your back that says Kick Me and straighten him out. I think a lot of my sadness and fear is about what my husbands cheating and deceiving said about him. My husband, the father of our dear children was a Coward and a Creep. On the Edge: I just read something on Facebook. I feel it carries so much wisdom. Think about it and repeat this to yourself when someone makes you feel less than. It says nothing about you but a lot about them. Creep is my favorite word for people that cheat. They have to not really respect themselves. They have to vilify in order to justify. Truly we have got to stop making it about us. If we blame ourselves then we have control of the situation. Truth is there is nothing we could have done to keep them from cheating. How can any of them justify that the ap was so wonderful, if all that person was able to accomplish was to bring out the worst in each other. It has been a couple of months since I discovered that my husband of 46 years was having an affair for over 4 years with his 20 something student. Mostly the affair was online and he denies a physical relationship. We are both working hard now at renew our marriage, but I still feel totally stunned. How can a 60 something even begin to compete with a 20 something girl. I found out reading his chats with her and the things he said still blow me away. Am I wrong to want some truth from him about the affair. From what I have read it seems to be important that the truth come out. I cannot even describe what I am feeling after reading these posts. He has never been married at age 60+ and has a harem of women who dote on him. I want to run scream and cry all at the same time. I had the decency to not excuse myself and get a cab and never look back. Things have never been the same since I found that out and they never will be.

There's also nothing wrong with taking a year out of University if it helps you feel better. Just because someone is ill doesn't make it ok to destroy the person who had more empathy and compassion and patience in their little finger. And because of that, you are valuable. He choose not to accept me and some day I will send him a thank you note for that decission as I am in such a better place. He introduced her to his family and wanted to make a live with her. They want to please and avoid criticism at all costs. You could have cost me my life, my son, everything I had worked so hard for in the last twenty five years. For instance, it is easy to think you're being supportive of your partner by celebrating his or her success, but if your partner thinks it's too important to you, he or she could feel incredible pressure to maintain it in addition to any other internal or external pressure he or she may feel. Take time to do your hobbies, passions, or the things that you have always wanted to do. It can be a shock to find out the person whom you adore and admire feels worthless, especially if he or she suggests it's your fault. I explained how I got his attention.